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"Would you care for some more wine?" the waitress asked. Lucy tore her eyes away from a couple at a nearby table that she'd been watching.
"Um..." she hesitated, tempted but not sure if she should have another glass. She had already consumed two and anything more usually made her pretty tipsy. "No, I'd better not."
"Perhaps your boyfriend would like some," the waitress suggested, looking at Carter's empty glass. He had just left to use the men's room.
Lucy found herself blushing and she knew it wasn't the effects of the wine. "He's not my boyfriend," she murmured. "He's...I don't know if he want more."
The waitress moved to another table and Lucy sighed, almost in relief. Of course the woman would assume Carter was her boyfriend since they were here on New Year's Eve. Here in this intimate little jazz club bathed in soft candlelight. Dinner had been buffet style with roast beef, rich gravy, and all the trimmings to go with it. She and Carter had devoured the delicious food and some complimentary wine.
She now looked around the room with interest. Earlier, she had been so intent on eating that she hadn't paid much attention to her surroundings. The room was small so although there weren't a lot of people, the place looked more crowded than it really was. Most of the tables were occupied but Lucy spotted a few that were empty. Probably a result of the storm tonight. She judged most of the people to be in their thirties, though there were a few older couples too. It appeared that she was the youngest one here. There was a live band in one corner as well as a singer. She was a tall, exotic looking black woman with a lovely, slightly smokey voice. Lucy wasn't a big fan of jazz so she didn't recognize any of the songs, but she was enjoying the mellow music. She thought the singer was beautiful and wished her own looks were more exotic. She was more of a plain jane, girl-next-door type. Oh well, looks weren't important anyway and there was no use dwelling on something she couldn't change.
She turned once more to the young couple that had caught her attention earlier. They were talking softly to each other and holding hands across the table. Lucy imagined that they were completely in love. They certainly seemed oblivious to everything going on around them and only had eyes for each other.
"Hey..." Carter said, taking his seat and noticing Lucy's dreamy smile. "What are you smiling at?"
"Oh, was I?" Lucy tilted her head towards the couple, who were now laughing quietly. "I was just watching them. They look like they're so much in love."
Carter looked over at them. "That they do," he agreed.
"So are you in love with Roxanne?"
*Oops. Did I say that out loud?* Lucy thought with some alarm. She looked at Carter and found him staring at her with a fierce frown on his face. *I can't believe I said that! The wine must be affecting me more than I thought*
"That's none of your business, Lucy," Carter said evenly, his voice tight.
"I know, I'm sorry," Lucy apologized quickly, silently berating herself. Here the evening had been going so well and she had to ruin it with her loose tongue. "Don't be angry."
Lucy looked at him with sorrowful eyes and Carter finally shook his head. "I'm not angry. Forget it, Luce." He fiddled with his wine glass and started looking around the room. "I need another drink," he muttered, signalling the waitress over. She poured him another glass and he took a big gulp. What was this now, his fourth one? He had been feeling very relaxed and pretty good overall, until Lucy had dropped that bombshell of a question on him. He probably shouldn't have snapped at her since it was a legitimate question and one he'd been asking himself recently.
In the past week or so, Roxanne had started using those three little words that scared the hell out of him: "I love you". She had first uttered them in...how to put it delicately...a passionate moment, and he had responded with "I love you too". But did he really? He was having his doubts lately. Just the other night he had come up with some lame excuse in order to avoid seeing her. And tonight he'd been practically ecstatic when Roxanne had angrily cancelled dinner plans. He had initially told himself it was because he didn't enjoy fancy, black-tie events. It had been Roxanne's idea of course, and personally he found those things boring and pretentious. But if he was honest with himself, it was the fact that he wouldn't have to see Roxanne tonight that had made him feel so happy.
*Damn!* Carter thought, as the reality hit him full force. Considering his past failed relationships, he had so wanted this one to work. But he now realized that he didn't love Roxanne and their relationship was over. And who did he have to thank for allowing him to come to this stunning conclusion? Lucy, with her one innocent question.
Carter felt as if a great weight had been lifted off his chest. He had been feeling out of sorts for the past few days and now knew why. He still had the unpleasant task of telling Roxanne it was over between them, but he would think about that later.
"Maybe we should start heading back," Lucy said meekly.
Carter finished off his drink and looked at his watch. "Why? We've only got an hour to go until midnight. We might as well celebrate here."
Lucy couldn't hide her surprise. "You want to stay? After what I said?"
Carter smiled, starting to experience a very pleasant buzz. It was a combination of the wine and the unexpected feeling of freedom. "Actually, I have to thank you."
Lucy narrowed her eyes and looked at him skeptically. "I think you've had too much to drink," she stated.
Carter chuckled and said emphatically, "No really. Thanks to you, I realize that things aren't right between Roxanne and me. Well, more than not right. It's over."
"Over," Lucy echoed in a shocked tone. "Because of what I said?"
"Well, in part. Your question just started me thinking and...I guess I finally admitted to myself what I've known for a while now." He ran both hands through his hair and briefly wondered why he was spilling his guts to Lucy. It wasn't like him to be so open with someone but he found her easy to talk to. And a surprisingly good listener. She was silent now, merely looking at him and waiting for him to continue. He suddenly felt self-conscious and cleared his throat. "So I wonder what we get for dessert."
Lucy gave a small smile and looked over Carter's shoulder. "Looks like they're bringing it out now," she said, realizing he was uncomfortable.
As they walked over to peruse the dessert selection, Lucy found herself lost in thought. She was still having a little trouble absorbing what had just occured. First she had thought she'd totally blown the evening by upsetting Carter. Then she had found out she'd inadvertently caused the end of his relationship with Roxanne. All because of a question she had never meant to say out loud.
It was a strange set of circumstances that had brought them here tonight. If she allowed herself, her crush on Carter could develop into something more. At the hospital he tended to show his arrogant side to her, though he was always wonderful with the patients. But sometimes he displayed his vulnerability, as he had in the last few minutes. It was in those moments that her heart always melted. She had to continually remind herself that she was Carter's medical student and a relationship between them was impossible. Strictly against the rules. Besides which, this crush of hers was completely one-sided. He had never given an inkling that he was interested in her. At worst, he considered her an annoyance. At best, he regarded her as a little sister.
Lucy was jolted out of her thoughts by a gentle nudge on the arm.
"Come on, Luce. You're holding up the line," Carter said, a slice of strawberry shortcake in his hand. "Decide already."
"Oh, sorry." Lucy quickly scanned her choices and selected a chocolate mousse.
Back at the table they ate their desserts and talked easily with each other, laughing and bantering back and forth. They didn't even realize how close it was to midnight until noisemakers and streamers were being handed out. They also received glasses of champagne.
Lucy picked up a green horn and blew on it noisily.
Carter gave her an amused smile. "You're a little early."
Lucy made a face at him. "Just testing." She checked her watch. "Three minutes to go." She looked around the room, feeling the air charged with excitement. The band had been taking a break, but they now returned to their places and the attractive singer approached the microphone.
"Thank you for coming to Charlie's Place. We hope you're having a great time." She smiled at the crowd. "We invite you to stay well after midnight for more music and dancing. We'll be starting the countdown in just a couple of minutes."
"I'm so glad we came here," Lucy said, glancing back at Carter.
"Yeah, me too," he agreed, enjoying the look of happiness on her face. Her enthusiasm was contagious and he was begining to feel a growing anticipation for the New Year.
The countdown began. "...5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Year!"
Carter and Lucy blew their noisemakers and threw streamers at each other, laughing. They clinked their champagne glasses together and each took a sip.
"Mmm. I love champagne." Lucy giggled. "The bubbles tickle."
Carter impulsively stood and leaned forward on his elbows, murmuring "Happy New Year, Luce." He kissed her on the lips, tasting champagne and something intriguing. The taste of Lucy. *Oh my God* He drew back, opening his eyes to find her staring at him with her mouth slightly parted. He could read the confusion in her eyes and he tried to gather his own wits about him. What was he doing? *It's just one New Year's kiss* he thought. Except one kiss wasn't enough. Not nearly. He leaned in for another one, this one longer and more urgent.
Lucy's heart was racing wildly and she couldn't think. All she could feel was Carter's warm lips on hers and she wished it would go on forever. Carter finally pulled away from her. Breathless, she gazed into his dark eyes and could see the conflicting emotions in them...changing from desire to regret.
Carter sat back down in his chair with a dull thud, not even hearing everyone around him sing Auld Lang Syne. "I...I'm sorry," he stammered. "I shouldn't have done that."
"I'm glad you did," Lucy said shyly.
"I don't know what came over me," he said, as if she hadn't spoken. He was looking everywhere but at her. "Really, I'm so sorry."
"John..."
That caught his attention. It was the first time she had ever used his given name. He slowly dragged his gaze back to hers and was suddenly seeing Lucy in a new light. Had her bright blue eyes always been that beautiful? How could he have missed that? Or the sensual curve of her lip. He clasped his hands together nervously on the tablecloth.
"I'm glad you kissed me," Lucy repeated softly. The crowd had quieted down now and the band was starting a new song. She recognized the opening strains of Unforgettable, one of her favourites. She remembered Carter stating that he didn't like to dance, but she stood up now and reached for his hand. "Dance with me?" she asked, half expecting an objection. But he took her hand and followed her to the dance floor as if in a trance.
Other couples danced around them, and Carter held Lucy close. He marvelled at how she was a perfect fit in his arms. He dipped his head down and inhaled the clean scent of her hair. Roxanne had usually worn a cloying perfume and he found Lucy to be a refreshing change.
"Oh boy," he muttered. He hadn't even broken up with Roxanne yet. And Lucy was his med student. They should not be doing this.
Lucy tilted her head back to look up at him. "Did you say something?"
"We shouldn't be doing this," he said. But he couldn't bring himself to stop either.
"We're only dancing," Lucy said reasonably. She was trying to control the little butterflies in her stomach. They had been fluttering around ever since that first kiss.
Carter nodded, trying to convince himself that this didn't mean anything. It was just a dance and just a kiss. *Two kisses* he reminded himself. It was just New Year's Eve and he had gotten caught up in the moment. That's all. That's what his head told him, but in his heart he knew it wasn't true. Things seemed so...right between them. It had never been this way with Roxanne. *Stop it! Stop comparing Roxanne with Lucy* He decided to stop thinking and just enjoy the dance.
Lucy had her head nestled comfortably on Carter's shoulder as they swayed in time to the music. She was feeling a little giddy and knew it wasn't due to the wine. She was afraid that Carter's practical nature would take over soon and they would head back to the hospital. She didn't want this night to end. She was determined not to think about the future and would just enjoy the moment.
The song ended all too soon and they parted reluctantly.
Carter said slowly, "I think we better go back."
It was just as Lucy had feared. "Ok," she said sadly.
They gathered their things together, not saying a word. Lucy hated this awkwardness between them but she wasn't sure what to say. Carter was at a loss too and he put on his coat in silence. He reached into his pocket, feeling the soft knit of his cap. He pulled it out and placed it gently over Lucy's head. "Gotta keep you warm," he said with a small smile.
Lucy looked up at him and she could feel tears gathering behind her eyes. She blinked them back furiously, not even sure why she suddenly wanted to cry.
"Luce, I..." he started and paused. "I want you to know I really had a great time tonight. I don't have any regrets about...what happened."
"You don't?"
"No. But I'm not sure it should happen again. It's just...it's not the right time." He could see that she was upset but hoped she understood.
Lucy nodded, biting her inner lip. "I know," she said, adding "but I'm glad it happened."
"Me too," Carter said honestly. He put his arm around Lucy and kissed her on the cheek. "Let's go."
They braced themselves for the cold wintery air and together, headed back to the ER.
------------------------------- Feedback is welcomed and appreciated! Shirley yoshinaka@sprint.ca Thank you :)
